76 replies to this topic

[Ramses]

I guess im starting a new AKIA tradition now ;P anyways, I was looking threw reviews and personal fealings over the summer movie fest and I was pretty shocked, so here's my list so far:

Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy-well, I cant belive im saying this. This movie will flop for the very reason that the movie changed everything RADICALY, not just some aspects, but on alot of aspects that made the books so good...dont belive me? read this spoiler laiden review

the Honnymooners-...you could of just as easly dig up the graves of Art Carny and Jackie Gleeson for this flick, but noooo...you just had to put in Cedric the Entertainer and Mike Eppes? what the hell? now i'm defenetly not intrested in this flick

XXX: State of the Union-sequel to a piss-poor movie, with an even more piss poor lead replacing the most piss poor leading man ever in movies. May this movie rot with Hitchhikers guide.

Herbie: Fully Loaded- 2 words "Linzy" "Lohan"

and without a shadow of a dout

The Fantastic Four-defend this movie all you want, but deep down inside, you wather watch the Rodger Corman version of the movie in infinate hopes that it's better. I'm sorry, right when they said Jessica Alba was Sue Storm, I just knew this movie was going to hell in a handbasket.

so? what movies am I really antciciting you say? just 2:
Episode III and Batman Begins.

So? what is everyone else's predictions of this season's stinkers?

[Ridureyu]

The Honeymooners? With Cedric the Entertainetr?

Am I the only one who finds it slightly racist that they try to "improve" every old show and/or movie by remaking it with black actors? As if "blackness" equals quality? I mean, imagine what would happen if somoene made The Jeffersons movie, but cast all white actors.


IF YOU ARE REMAKING SOMETHING, IT WOULD BE WISE TO FOLLOW THE SOURCE MATERIAL.

[doc_moore_j]

I think Fantastic Four will probably blow, but it has a good fan following, so I doubt it will flop. Many comic geeks like myself will go see it, just so we can complain afterwards. It will make money so I can't call it a flop, but it will suck all the same. I was not so mad about Jessica being Sue, i was more upset that the thing (who is almost as huge as the hulk) is not CG. His suit looked like shizznit in the first FF movie, and his suit looks like shizznit this time too. CG would have been the way to go if you ask me.

[jkaris]

The Honeymooners?  With Cedric the Entertainetr?

Am I the only one who finds it slightly racist that they try to "improve" every old show and/or movie by remaking it with black actors?  As if "blackness" equals quality?  I mean, imagine what would happen if somoene made The Jeffersons movie, but cast all white actors.


IF YOU ARE REMAKING SOMETHING, IT WOULD BE WISE TO FOLLOW THE SOURCE MATERIAL.

I agree,

Zodac, Kingpin, etc. Dumb, very dumb. Lets see a recast of Powerman and Iron fist but with a white guy as powerman and a chinese woman as Iron Fist. How about we remake blade with Jean Clause Van Damm as Blade? Stupid.

Politically correct = dumb.

[Knuxman]

xXx 2: suck of the spewnion. I'll hit ya with a little math.
1 crappy movie + a crappy sequal = 2 crappy movies.

[Ridureyu]

It honestly offended me. Imagine Queen latifah cast as Lucy! that's a disrespect to the original (more than even just plain mocking it), and in a way is racist.

Mind you, Zodak is one of the few exceptions that I can think of - I liked the new version of him, but that's because he's basically Teal'c from Stargate.

[Tortle]

Imagine Queen latifah cast as Lucy!

Different show... Honeymooners didn't have Lucille Ball in the cast. She was in "I Love Lucy".

I think most of the movies that have been posted will find niche audiences and do quite well:

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: I've heard many positive reviews of this movie from AintItCoolNews.com (who are some of the most pessimistic bastitchs around). Supposedly, even Adams' widowed wife was so pleased with the finished product that she congradulated the producers. It seems like the movie will be close enough to the book to please the "common fan", but the fanatics will probably be disappointed. Considering the fanatics are such a small population and would never be pleased anyway, I don't think their opinions will impact the ticket sales. Most importantly, the movie seems like it will appeal to a broad, kid-oriented audience that might want to see science fiction that's not as dark as the new SW movie. I think HHGTTG will probably do very well and make a significant profit.

Honeymooners: A movie that will likely appeal to the Barbershop croud, but noone else. I predict break-even box office returns.

XXX: This movie will probably have a core audience of people who liked the first movie: idiot kids and MTV-addicts. I think it might do well enough to break even, but it might flop if the core audience gets its attention diverted to something else.

Herbie: I think this will be similar to the Honeymooners, in that it will have a specific target audience (Nickelodeon and Disney Channel pre-teens, in this case) and it will break even.

Star Wars ROTS: This will be the biggest money maker of the summer. I think that EVERYONE is anticipating this movie, even non-SW fans. Given that this is the darkest SW movie (and SW fans seem to love that type of stuff), as well as the last SW episode, people will flock to see it multiple times.

Batman: I doubt this movie will be a runaway hit because 1) the market is saturated with superhero stuff, and 2) the movie just doesn't seem to have enough to make it interesting enough for non-fans to get off their duffs to see it. But I think it will do well enough to make a profit.

Fantastic Four: Unfortunately, this is my pick for the summer bomb ("unfortunate" because FF are a personal favorite, and I think their flashy powers could make a cool movie). They've made too many blunders with this movie already: a man-in-suit Thing, bad Human Torch effects, and cheesy, laughable trailers. And although FF is one of the longest running comics, it's not very well-known in the non-comic world. People know Spiderman and Hulk, but their knowledge of FF is a bit foggy. All this, and the fact that the Incredibles trumped many of their special effects and action sequences (the producers actually had to go back and make better effects for Mr. Fantastic after seeing the Incredibles), makes this my pick as the summer bomb. It will probably make as much money as Daredevil... which means it won't make enough to cover production and marketing costs.

[Ridureyu]

Nate, I know that Lucy is from I Love Lucy. I was making the point that people would probably commit murder if Queen latifah were cast as her, but I wasn't clear enough.

[Rokk]

The Honeymooners sounds like it will blow. I think they need to do a Good Times movie with:
John Goodman as James Evans
Roseanne Barr as Florida Evans
Erik Per Sullivan (Dewey from Malcolm in the Middle) as Michael Evans
Christina Ricci as Thelma Evans
Jon Heder (Napolean Dynamite) as James "J.J." Evans, Jr.
Pamela Anderson as Wilona Woods

It could take place in a Trailer Park in Florida.

Anyway, the only movies I was looking forward to were Sin City, Ep. III and Batman. Sin City rocked and kicked all sort of arse at the boxoffice. I believe that Ep. III and Batman will also make good money.

XXX will bomb. When you can't get Vin Diesel to come back and make the sequel you know it sucks.

HHGTTG has the potential to seriously bomb. It was an excellent book, however, I don't think it will make the transition to the big screen very well.

Fantastic Four has bomb written all over it. Everything about it looks so cheesy. It might even make Daredevil look good. Marvel has a tough time with its second tier characters and making them into movies.

[Mr.Monster]

Anyway, the only movies I was looking forward to were Sin City, Ep. III and Batman. Sin City rocked and kicked all sort of arse at the boxoffice. I believe that Ep. III and Batman will also make good money.

Fantastic Four has bomb written all over it. Everything about it looks so cheesy. It might even make Daredevil look good. Marvel has a tough time with its second tier characters and making them into movies.

I completely agree with all your comic book movie assessments....

[Soupie]

XXX will bomb.  When you can't get Vin Diesel to come back and make the sequel you know it sucks.

Yeah, rumor is some unknown named Jason Moore is going to be the new XXX. I don't know, the name sounds kinda gay to me...

I'm really looking forward to Hitchhiker, having read the books years ago. I'm with Tortle though: As long as the movie itself is well done, I personally don't mind if it strays from the book here and there.

Movies are a completely different medium than books; a good screen writer will take advantage of the differences, in theory.

[Frobman]

I'm considering to see Ep. III and Batman, since I've got nothing else to do by then. But I hope I'll at least enjoy them.

[Universal Ruler Supreme]

I plan on seeing Episode 3, Hitchhikers (have not read book), and maybe Batman, I saw the previews for the hulk movie and about threw up back when it came out, so I didn't even consider seeing it. So I will do the same for the Fantastic Four even though they are one of my favorite comic teams, when I saw the leading cast I got really mad. I never saw the unreleased FF movie, but from the pictures I have seen the cast looked pretty much on par, and Doctor Doom looked Cool. But from the reviews I read the acting was awful. The rest that were listed are going to blow for sure. I have hated cg animation since the Power Rangers movie, but I think with the modern advancement that they could make an awesome IRON MAN movie. Man movies have changed since the 80's, I miss Jim Henson and Frank Oz.

[Teacher of Madness]

Yeah, I don't mind so much if Hitchhikers strays either, as every version Adams himself came up with has strayed somehow (Radio, TV, Book, Stage Play, etc.) I just fear that their love of CGI will overshadow the humor and plot.

[Nachoz God of Metal]

I'm not sure but i think Willy Wonka will do O.K. only case its a remake.

[Ridureyu]

The thing is, the other versions of Hitchhiker's Guide haqve still relied on verbal humor, a dry wit, and a specific TYPE of absurdity. All of the reviews of this movie say that it falls back on the normal "wacky" "slime-filled" in-your-face attempts at humor that haven't really done well (example: Cat in the Hat).

[doc_moore_j]

I own the unreleased version of the FF and it is corny as hell, the special effects and stuff are even cornier than what you would expect in the 80's-early 90's when it was made (not sure of exact year). But from what I have seen in the previews and pictures, that cast of old is better than the cast of the new ones, on top of that, Things suit looked better in the cheesy old version. I think that the "Man in thing suit" as someone stated earlier is my biggest complaint about this movie.

As far as the others, I still have not seen the first XXX and don't plan to anytime soon. I just don't really like Vin, the only movie i thought he was cool in was "Saving Private Ryan". So, i am pretty certain that movie will flop, especially if he did not even return for the second one.

I have not seen any previews for quite some time. but I will say I am super excited to see EpIII and I am not a huge SW fan. I am pissed I will still be out here in the middle of the effing ocean when it comes out. At least by the time I get home, I should not have to wait in line forever. Or maybe if I am lucky, I can buy a bootleg copy of it in Singapre in a few weeks. They had boots of all the new movies in the theatres and new releases, not sure how they got'em, but they got'em. DVD's for about $3 a piece, can't beat that. The quality is pretty decent too.

[Drtooth]

Here's another one we forgot to mention, and I PRAY that it's a flop...

Bewitched... it's original enough, but original in a BAD WAY! The plot involves Nichole Kidman and Will Ferral (sp?) playing actors making a television remake of Bewitched....

Personally, of the 2 "Magic" sitcoms (I dream of Jeanne being the other) Bewtiched was always my favorite, and if anything it'll come to DVD for Bewitched fans. Like when they made Fat Albert and Garfield... both projects have started a more successful release on DVD than an actual movie.

But dammit.... Fantastic Four? I mean, so far the only Marvel comic to do well as a movie franchise was Spiderman... and for good reason. Both movies were the only good ones. I was praying and praying (and I'm not a religious person by any stretch, mind you) this movie wouldn't suck. The Hulk movie all but killed my interest in the character... and the Thing is perhaps my all time favorite Marvel character... You may recall my numerous 2003 rants about Hulk hands and crappy Hulk Merchandise. I walked into some toy store (I'm trying hard to blank out the memory) and saw Thing hands!!! I almost started crying.... and I never cry. (I'm more of a "shout obscenities" kinda guy). Even the newer Punnisher movie was arse. And no one thought they could do worse than the first one. But then I have to say, I'd rather see some guy in a Thing suit, than a giant CGI turd like the Hulk was. I got more milage out of Lou Ferrigno painted green.

[Rokk]

I mean, so far the only Marvel comic to do well as a movie franchise was Spiderman... and for good reason. Both movies were the only good ones.

Well, there is that other Marvel franchise, what is it called, X-dudes, X-people, oh I don't know, something like that. I believe it did fairly well and has a couple of fans.

Seriously, other than Spider-man and X-Men, Marvel has tanked all of their other movies. The Hulk was the only other big name Marvel character and they botched the handling of that movie. It could have done well since the Hulk is a big name character that is known to the general public.

The other movies dealt with second tier Marvel characters. And you can make a movie about a second tier movie, but you have to do it very well. The reason is that you are already at a disadvantage in that the general public knows nothing about that character. Daredevil, Electra, The Punisher and the FF are all second tier characters that don't have broad public appeal. Most people don't know anything about these characters. So, you really have to handle the movie properly to make it work. It can be done. Plenty of comics that are "unkown" to the general public like the Crow, for example, can be be great movies if done properly. Unfortunately, Marvel just slaps together a movie real fast and hopes to cash in on the name of the character alone. It doesn't work that way.

Out of the remaining Marvel characters, I really only see Iron Man as having any possible chance of succeeding. Mainly because the armor and the sci-fi element of Iron Man would make for a cool movie regardless of whether it was based on a comic or not.

Other than Iron Man, I don't think Marvel has too many characters left that would make a good movie.

Captain America has the potential to be too cheesy and is not interesting enough from a super-powers stand point.

The Avengers would probably be too expensive and lacks broad appeal from the general public. And, unlike X-Men, this team concept may look too cheesy on the big screen.

Thor wouldn't cut it. Neither would Dr. Strange.

I think a Wolverine movie would probably do just fine. That character is gold.

[Drtooth]

Damn... I did forget about X-men.... heh heh heh...

I thought Fantastic 4 was pretty mainstream myself. But the problem is that they just can't capture the same kind of power and magic that X-men and Spiderman have. I mean, if the Hulk was just a giant CGI, then why the heck didn't they make the entire movie a CGI (learning from the mistakes of other movies, especially one concerning a cat, which will remain nameless).

But if were talking movie trends this seasn, how about sports films?

There is Kicking and Screaming, Badnews Bears the remake, and something about Basketball with Martin Lawrence... and of course, they're all about a scrappy team of losers that get a new coach and all of the sudden, they win. pure formula.

I went to see Robots a while ago, and I forgot all the bad previews before it.... but apparently Chris Van Allen (the Children's book author and artist) has copied himself when he wrote Jumanji. It's the same exact story only instead of Jungle Animals, it's outer Space sci-fi stuff. That's apparently a movie too.

[BaltanII]

Regarding Fantastic Four - my actual peeves with the movie lie in the way the CG seems like it'll be handled, as well as general disinterest in the cast. I think making Thing a suit instead of a CG model was a stroke of brillance. Hulk looked terrible so many times in his movie, I feared that Thing would be even worse. But now I have to worry how terrible the other three's powers will look, instead. I haven't seen enough to tell yet, but Grimm might be the best part of the movie. While suits may be an old special effect, it kicks the arse of poorly rendered, unrealistic CG anyday. Gamera 3 comes to mind for awe-inspiring suits that you don't always believe are suits, and that movie was a comparatively low-budget kaiju flick.

On the topic of failures, I have a suspicion that FF will be somewhere up there on the list, perhaps number one. Honeymooners has so much wrong it, beyond just making everyone black, I don't even know where to begin. I'm really excited about Hitchhiker's after having read the book - no movie is ever going to replicate the reading experience, but they can still evoke the same enjoyment if done right. Sin City... well, that's for me to judge this weekend.

XXX and its sequel will end up in the dustbin of film history soon enough. I despise a remake of Wonka especially after what Burton did to Planet of the Apes. It seems doubtful after any preview I've seen thus far that I would find anything redeeming about it. I'm not putting a lot of faith into Batman Begins yet, and definitely not Episode 3. Disappointment doesn't get erased from either franchise that easily. The others mentioned I wouldn't even begin to care about or are worth mentioning (Bewitched, assorted sports movie remakes).

I want to see Herbie trapped in a trash compactor and crushed. Slowly. With Lohan still inside.

Edited by Boaconda, 19 April 2005 - 08:28 PM.

[TheOrgg]

Everyone's mentioning comic movies and leaving out one of the best action movies I've seen in a long time-- Hellboy.

Hellboy kicked arse, and the CGI was mindblowingly well done!

[Drtooth]

Actually, the Wonka movie, as I understand, isn't a remake of the old movie, just a retelling of the story. I have a little faith in it, since I'm a fan of Tim Burton, but it doesn't look as dark as I thought it would be. But, remember those rumors that came up online that Marylin Manson was to play mr. Wonka? of all the Hollywood urban myths, that was one of my favorites, like the guy from Blue's Clues dyig from a Drug over dose. Hearing those goofy urban rumors always cracked me up!

BTW, Star wars has been completely sold out in certain theaters on their earliest showings, now (thanks to Funfango, or whatever the hell that ticket buying online site is).... I have a bit of faith that Lucas will pull his butt out of the fire in it. I mean, Chewbacca's in it... it can't be all that bad.

[Universal Ruler Supreme]

All the Comic movies that we overlook when comparing with the new ones! What about the Blade series? It didn't do to well in theaters, but was a hit when released on VHS and DVD. Hellboy was pretty good, I had no complaints on it since I hadn't read any of the comics before the movie. Also FYI they made a Captain America movie back in the 80's that I thought was pretty good, but I was like 6 when I saw it. Also who can forget Spawn? I thought it sucked. Also since Blade did pretty well I think aside from an Iron Man movie that a Ghost Rider movie would be Great! Imagine the awesomeness that CG could do for a promising movie of that caliber! FIRE AND MOTORCYCLES!!!!! You can't beat that combination. Man the movies the fans could make if they only had the budgets.

[TheOrgg]

Does anyone have the picture of Nicholas Cage as Ghost Rider?